Dear Readers, you must be wondering why you seldom hear from me these days. Actually I have many half-finished posts waiting for me to complete them. There are a lot of experiences and ideas I want to share, in hope it will help people the way it helped me.
I was quietly feeling sad about the news I received few weeks ago. The news not only crushed my dreams but it also crushed my self-esteem. For days I was simply weeping on and off, be it at home or at work.
Close friends who remember my birthday tried to cheer me up by asking what would I wish to do to celebrate my birthday. I brushed them off saying there isn't much to celebrate about. I don't have anything to be proud of as a soon-to-be 36 years old person. You really cannot imagine how upset I was.
When I heard about the passing of our founding father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, on 23 Mar 2015 (Monday), and after reading all Mr Lee's previous speeches, I suddenly realized I was being very foolish. Mr Lee had said before, regrets don't get you anywhere. Life moves on. We may make mistakes along the way, we may fall but we have to stand up and move on and make things right. Life is not always smooth but we should never give up hope.
He reminds me of my belief from young. I have always believe that with hope (and faith in people and myself) and hard work, we will definitely be able to achieve what we want to achieve in life.
I guess over the last 4 years I was brainwashed to believe I was worthless. I was blinded by people who had intentionally wanted to hurt me. I seriously don't understand what good does this people get out of hurting me but now that I am no longer blinded, I somehow feel honored by the huge efforts spent in hope to defeat my determination.
However, I am sorry to say that I have to disappoint those who think they have won. I really do not need to tell you about the verdict. It was not meant to make you feel that you have won or make you think that I have admitted defeat. It was definitely not an act of accepting what you have defamed me of my capabilities and character. I was merely being myself, someone who always naively have faith with people like you.
I also know that I cried so hard, not because I was sad about the verdict. I had long been prepared for the worst. I had long known that I was fighting a losing battle. I had long known how cruel people can be. I was actually sad that I was right all along. I had foolishly wished that I was wrong. I had foolishly believed that as long as I do not wish to hurt you, you have no good reason to want to hurt me.
Now that I have stopped crying and realized my foolishness, I want to stop all my nonsenses. I want to once again uphold my belief... and follows Mr Lee's wise words. I will move on and enjoy my next adventure in life...
Call me foolish but this is me. You can choose to laugh at me or dispise me. You can doubt my intellect and question my originality. But I still believe in people. I still have faith in people. People tell me to stop being nice and naive. But I am unable to do that because I am me. I still believe that as long as I m sincere and kind, with a bit of courage and bravery, and lots of hope and faith, all bad times will get by. I believe I will still meet good people, good people who can see and feel my originality, my heart and soul. Good people like many of those I had already met in my life. Many of those who helped me in many ways or have believed in me.
I hereby thank you those who have always believed in me and who had helped me. I am still who I am because of you. Please don't worry about me. There will be rainbow after the rain.
I don't know what lies ahead of me. But I know I will be alright because I have all of you backing me up. I will be happier and I will enjoy my next adventure in life.
You will soon be seeing more of my blog posts and I will work hard in reaching out to help more people through my sharing...