Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Seriously I think I am having some form of dementia...

My memory span seems to get shorter as the days go by...

I can no longer remember what I do more than 2 days ago...

I tend to be very forgetful when comes to bring things home or around...

Nowadays I need to immediate attend to a task so as not to end up forgetting to do it altogether...

Really sad over it...

Is it coz of the side effects of C-section? Or is it just because my age is catching up on me?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Jamie's Two Year Old Birthday Bash

Compared to last year, I am way out of schedule in the planning of Jamie's 2nd year birthday party.

But I am soooooo glad that I finally confirmed on the birthday bash venue.

Thank you to my brother and da sao for helping me to book their condo function room on 13 November from 10am to 3pm. I am now currently confirming the guestlist and programme schedule for the day.

Cakes? Yes, I am waiting to browse the catalogue for Pine Gardens. The cake we had last year was awesome!!! And hence, we are ordering from them again this year!

What's more, this year Jamie can celebrate both in school, at home and in a party!!! So there are lots more planning and coordinating to do...

Wanted to order the cupcake tiers but then it's WAY out of my budget for this year. The renovation drained us and hence I think we should reconsider about splashing the cash away again. Jamie's birthday bash is definitely very important to us! But I believe there are cheaper alternatives.

Hope to share more on my planning ;D

Lets see her pretty cake for last year...

Racing with the Time...

I realised these days I like to pack all my weekends with various schedules to feel fruitful.

Example, just last Sunday alone I did the following:
1. Brought Jamie to the clinic to have her vaccination + my helper to do her 6-monthly medical examination.
2. Bought the reserved shower head from Punggol Plaza
3. Shopping at Sengkang Plaza for stationeries, recipe books and groceries etc
4. Dropped the shopping bags at home
5. Visited my in-laws for dinner

It seemed that these days weekends were never enough for a good rest because I want to do so many things too apart from resting...

However, the funny thing is, I don't feel upset having to run all these 'errands' or need to pack the weekends. In fact, I feel fruitful, happy and efficient.

And you know what? Just yesterday, I felt so sad towards my 'commitment' to Jamie. I felt I was not spending enough time with her. I asked myself why should I feel upset about spending time with her, instead of looking at the piles of work I brought home everyday. I have no issues about the piles of work. I have issues about my mindset towards spending time with Jamie.

Once again, I wonder if I am a good mother. If being at home means I am there for her? I know in my heart, I never felt my mother was there for me when I was young, though she was a housewife.

I remembered seeing Jamie ran to me and gave me super big hugs these days when she saw me coming home from work. It followed by her dancing to tunes from her new 'laptop'. She was even happy with just lying on my laps and watching TV with me. These were all that she asked for. And I had in my mind when she would go to sleep so I can do some work. I did not get to do any work so far at home, at least not the productive kind of work.

I held her hands tight last night, looking at her sleeping face. I told myself I want to give Jamie more than my mother had given me. Not just being physically around means I am there for her. I must too have in my mind that I am ever ready to just sit down with Jamie, sing with her, dance with her or just lie down and watch TV with her whenever she comes to me happily.

I felt guilty again that my helper had to carry her off when she 'disturbed' me looking for her birthday cakes online. It was really a stupid thing to do right? I should have just spend time with her and source for all these things when she fell asleep... What's the point of throwing her the best party in the world, when she could not get the little attention from me everyday. I feel guilty towards her. But cannot help it to hope I have more personal time and that I wish that she can understand I need to be alone to source for her party items...

I told myself again that Jamie will never appreciate the birthday party I organised or the toys I bought for her, if I don't even spend enough time with her daily... I have to try really hard to remind myself over and over again... Otherwise, I am going to create another person who is low self-esteem, always feel unloved by the mother, doubts her own capabilities and always yearning for recognition from others etc...

I really don't want that to happen...

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Arrival of the Terrible Twos

2 more months to Jamie's Two Year old party and I had yet planned anything!!!

Think this year will be something simple:
1. 5-7 Nov Long weekends: Family trip
2. 11 Nov: Celebration of Jamie's actual birthday in school and at inlaws house
3. 13 Nov: Playdate cum Birthday Party

Ermmm, I know it does not look very simple. But then, Jamie's birthday party will definitely not be as big scale as her First Birthday Party.

Apologize to all those who will not be included in the invitation list.

This round, only friends/relatives with children and close single/married (without kids) friends will be invited for her birthday party.

This is to allow friends/relatives who do not enjoy children's parties to reject the invitation too. So please let me know too if you will not wish to be included in the invitation list ^^

Venue for the birthday party had yet to be confirmed. Hoping to book the function room at my brother's place but the booking is subjected to availability. Since Jamie loves to swim, I had thought it will be fun for Jamie to have a swimdate cum birthday party with all her cousins and friends ^^ However, if the function room is out, then we need to find other alternative like a chalet with swimming pool etc or simply make do with a simple party at home.

Anyhow, it's time to start searching for nice birthday cakes for her school celebration and her birthday party ^^ And goodie bags too!!! OMG~

Take a look at how pretty and capable my Jamie has become :)

Picture 1: She is not afraid of big dogs even at close proximity
Picture 2: She loves to swim hence she loves dolphins too
Picture 3: She helped her Baba to assemble her new table and chairs!!!

To Help Or Not To Help...

Sometimes, I really wonder whether we are helping the right people.

It seems that those who really need help, don't seem to be coming forward. It's either they refused to admit that they need help or they do not know the avenues to do so.

And the most shocking thing is, there may be people involved who know exactly what happened, but the fear of losing the placement or the job, hindered their conscience calls...

It's really sad to realise what the whole has become.

On one hand, there are cries for justice that we are not hearing from the ground. On the other hand, those who really need help prefer not to be helped / do not wish to rely on others' 'mercy' / ignorant of the avenues to request for help / fear of the consequences hence refused to step forward to ask for help.

It's really impossible to try to please everyone.

I guess if we intend to add value in others' lives, we should do it unconditionally. We should not have wished for 'thanks'. However, we cannot help but wish we are 'rewarded' with some form of appreciation whenever we resolved an issue/concern. After all, being in the front line is not easy. Many a time, we may even become the punching bag of those who are simply not happy with the 'system'.

I had been trying very hard to think positively and to see every setback as a new challenge to resolve. This ensures that I have the emotional strength and spiritual energy to face the oncoming waves........So far so good :D